A Crappy DAY!!

March 10th, 2022

Today was a CRAPPY DAY!!

It is almost bedtime now so the kids are calming down it was a very hard day to get through but I DID IT!

This morning; I woke up at 5:20 something and looked around the house to see if anything needed to be cleaned. I am now letting my almost 10-year-old wash dishes at night because my body hurts the most at night and she likes to help. 

I turned on the kids' bathroom light and went to wake them up and I smelled a strong smell of number two in their room but I thought that it was my daughter's diaper or something so I go lie down for a few minutes before I start breakfast. About 5:35; my mentally ill son walks into the room and says, "I have doodoo on myself." I just sit there with my eyes closed hoping that he didn't really just say that. I tell him to go take a shower and get ready for school and I get up and get dressed up to clean up a mess. I go in the room and there is a mess all through the room I just get undressed and go to the kitchen to start cooking breakfast because I really couldn't take it this morning. I really didn't sleep well the night before because my youngest daughter likes to be held all night and my shoulders were sore and I had to just be in pain.

Anyway; my oldest daughter comes into the room in almost tears because she said that my son had a mess on the clothes she was supposed to wear to school so I had to calm her down and talk her through getting another outfit because she had a party to attend when she got to school. My son finally got the shower and got himself ready. I cooked breakfast for my mom and sister and got the nerve to go back to the room and find all the "messy clothes" he had stepped on and just made a mess with then I got his comforter and put everything in the washer and washed his bed. Then; I swept and mopped and put an air freshener in the room and closed the door.

I almost didn't feel like eating breakfast after cleaning the mess but I felt my sugar dropping and I went on and made myself a plate and ate. About ten minutes later; my mom said that she was ready to go so I put my "lil' rider", my 5-year daughter who stays home with me, in the van and we sat in the car and waited for her to get in. I was so overwhelmed that I couldn't center myself so when my mom got in the van I was already aggravated and couldn't really think positive thoughts so I started playing music and listening to her talk and I started to calm down on the way to her job.

My mom and I had a decent conversation and then when I got her to the job; she went in and I drove off. I started blasting my music and my daughter and I started dancing to the music until we got home. We went back in the house and I had to go grocery shopping and I didn't want to take the girls in because it was raining at this point. We left early and I went to Walmart to get some groceries for the house and took my sister to work. We go back home and I get some bags and the girls and I struggle to unlock the door with everything in my hands and then I finally get the door open and walk into a pool of water and I run to my room and my room is full of water from my toilet overflowing. I turned on cartoons for the girls and go back outside to get more groceries and the keys and such and hurry back in the house to call maintenance and they didn't answer the regular number or the emergency number so I called the main office and she said that she would get someone over here quickly so I started sweeping water out of the front door so I could try to make a path for when they came. My room was flooded. My rugs got messed up. My shoes got messed up. My living room carpet got messed up but I am going to try to find a way to fix it tomorrow. I had to get out of the wet towels, rugs, and clothes in the washer.

The workers did help me though. They used the water vacuum to get up most of the water and then mopped the floor afterward. They fixed my toilet, FINALLY because it was constantly running anyway and they supposedly had fixed it weeks ago so I am glad that it is finally done because I  cannot do this again. It was really too much. I thanked them and they left.

I lied down for a bit and tried to relax then I got back up and put my son's clothes and things in the dryer and made lunch for me and the girls which were popcorn chicken and chips for them and chicken nuggets with salad for me. I drank a Pepsi and enjoyed it with my lunch but it was a mistake. My sugar spiked too much and I had to lie down again. I got the girls to lie down and take a nap then I flushed myself with bottles of water and then went to get my sister. The rest of the day was okay. My son came home and got a good mark at school so I was happy about that and I realized, just tonight at medication time, that he didn't take his morning meds and still was good at school so I know he is able to make good decisions. I have to be doing something right, right? 

I went to get my mom a little later and came back home and cooked dinner. (Hamburger with gravy, rice, green beans, and biscuits). I watched two episodes of Divorce Court and then as a family; we watched "Cousins" with Ted Danson. It was a good old movie. You should try it. Now, the children are in bed. The children don't go to school tomorrow because of a teacher planning day so I will cook them a big breakfast in the morning.

I, also, felt really down today because I cannot physically do anything to help my son when he has moments like today. He has a number of mental disorders and we are maintaining his condition with medications and counseling but that does only so much. I really try to be the best person I can be for my family but sometimes; it hurts when I cannot "fix them" or take away their pain and suffering.

I guess I can only keep doing what I have been doing and that just continues to be there for them no matter what. 

--Thanks For Reading!!--