Have You Ever Lost a Friend? How Did You Feel?

 It was May 19, 2005; when I found out I lost my best friend, Dekendria.

She actually died on May 18th.

She was just nine years old. 

I was going to Morgan Elementary. No one really liked me. Everyone saw me as weird but Dekendria didn't. She was the sweetest girl you could have ever known. She used to wear pigtails in her hair and her hair was so thick. She had small freckles under her eyes. She taught me how to read. I was going through something at that stage in my life and I had issues learning how to read so she taught me how to do it and eventually; I was an expert at reading and was eventually exceeding English classes in all grades. She left a mark in my life and that is why I named my oldest daughter after her. I remember our last conversation and what stuck out the most was when she asked me, "Will we be friends forever?" and I said, "Yes.

She was very bad asthmatic and the teachers really wouldn't take care of her like they should when she needed it so I took on the task. Every time, we would go to recess and we would try to run around; she would have an asthma attack and the teachers would just tell me to take her in the classroom. We would go inside the school together and go to our classroom and I would get her all of her things together and give her the animal mask to put on her face and she would sit there and let the machine run and eventually; she would be able to talk again with the mask on.

I could see the fear in her eyes every time she had an asthma attack. No one else hung around us. It was really us against everyone and that was an amazing feeling because I had never had a best friend before. For weeks; we had been talking about having a sleepover but I don't think she was allowed visitors but we didn't live too far from each other. I just wanted to be around her all the time for conversation and to help her if she needed it.

My family and I didn't have cable at that time but I remember the night she died and I just felt weird. I really cannot express the feeling I was feeling that night. Later; I found that she had a bad asthma attack; the same day I took her to the class, that night at home and her mom called 9-11 and they put her mom on hold and Dekendria died. I don't think the inhaler or anything helped.

I walked into school the next day and was excited about the day. I don't know why I was so happy that day. I walked into my classroom and everyone was silent and crying. I looked at the door and even the teachers were crying. My bus was really late that day and I was the last student to arrive in the classroom. I asked one of the students, "What's going on?" and she replied, "Dekendria died."

The teachers called me to the hallway and I thought I might have gotten in trouble for something I walked out the door and they closed the room door and said, "Dekendria died last night." I couldn't believe what they were telling me. I was shaking.  My body tingled with something. I got sweltering and my eyes were swelling. 

I really blacked out what happened in between.

I sat up in the nurse's office and I couldn't stop crying. My stomach was starting to hurt from the crying that I couldn't control.

"Why her?" is what I thought. I finally had a best friend and she was taken from me. She was only nine years old. I felt like for a while that if I had been there that would have been able to save her. 

I went back to class, even though they said that I could stay in the office or go home, I stayed at school. Everyone was crying about her but no one really knew her. I was her best friend. They got together griefing groups and everyone sat around and let everyone speak about how they felt about what happened and I could only listen because at this point; I was just angry that anyone had anything to say about her.

We went to art class and the art teacher drew a picture of Dekendria dressed as an angel I tried to draw the picture myself but I could only just lay my head down and cry the rest of the class.

Another grief session happened and I finally talked about her and told everyone that she wanted to a doctor when she grew up.

On the last day of school; we were having a huge party and water guns were there and every student was supposed to get one water gun the teachers called me over and told me that I could have two(one for and one for Dekendria). I played so hard that last day of school. I really was hoping that she saw me from the sky. I ran so much and so hard and cried in-between that I lost my breath for a while and I could have sworn I was having an asthma attack myself and I didn't even have asthma. The teachers got me water and I eventually calmed down but now that I think of it; I most likely was having a panic attack. 

She was only in this world for a short time, but man, did she leave a mark! I wouldn't have wanted her to be in her pain for the rest of her life so I know she was only put on this Earth for a short period of time to do an assignment and I think she did it.

I still can feel her presence sometimes. I try to visit her grave when I can but it just hurts every time I go but I know her spirit isn't there in that grave. I will hold her forever in my heart.

--Thanks For Reading!!--