I'm Still Standing

The thing is I'm supposed to be dead by now. Hell; November 2023 was supposed to be it. It was done. I was done. . . .

I was ALWAYS a force to reckon with when I wasn't ill. The people I did allow in my life knew that I loved and cared for them like no other. I am just that kind of person and always will be. 

These last few months since I have been really sick; I have been TRIED the most. LIES been slandered all over social media and my message requests been full of people that I don't allow me anymore. It  this only so many times that I was going to forgive and forget.

If you want to go with the narrative that I am the villain in your story; that's okay because I look GOOD in black anyway. Sick or not. WHEELCHAIR or not. DYING or not. No one EVER be able to get close enough to stab me in the back again. I realize now that my body was failing because my heart broke after my daughter and I said, "There is nothing else that would break my heart." It did. I had to let go of the only guy I only ever wanted. I LOVED him so deep. I LOVED him so much that I HATED myself. Anything he said; I believed even if I knew it was a lie. I would give him a baby every year if he wanted(to prove "my love")..He was talking about me to people that I didn't even associate with. I have receipts, screenshots and recordings even shared private videos without my consent.

((I have stayed quiet and I will not add names.))

MY HEART WAS SHATTERED!! 

MY VOICE WILL NOT BE TAKEN FROM ME AGAIN!!

I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SPEAK MY MIND!!

MY TRUTH!!! 

I had to go find Ayanna. I even got to where I didn't know who "Yanna" was when my name was called. I don't know how to explain it, but if you know what I mean, it has reached who it was supposed to reach.

I found HER and I'm in LOVE with her!!

Here she is...I don't talk the same. I don't look at myself the same. The problem before was that I didn't want to change my life. I didn't want to accept that my daughter was gone and my family dynamic had changed. I didn't want to accept that I didn't need to be in that toxic relationship anymore. I didn't want to accept that I was disabled and my whole life was going to change. I didn't want to accept that I couldn't walk or move the same. I couldn't accept any of it but I have truly released now. 

I have to RELEASE every single day so I can move forward with the next day. The GREATEST thing that came out of this transition that I have gained friends. My Mama and Sister have been the only friends I have because you cannot be my friend if you don't understand me so I never let anyone close to me but these people have entered my life and encourage me every single day. They check on me and are genuinely concerned about me and my family. We have became family and it's real.

I am 28 years old and I thought the rest of my days would be empty and then I would just die one day and no one would care except my family but everything has changed now.

I may be bedbound but THIS ISN'T my death bed now. I AM STRONG!! I AM IMPORTANT! I AM NEEDED. I WILL NOT GIVE UP! I will LIVE and NOT DIE until I have completed my journey and its nowhere near done YET!!

MY STORY DESERVES TO BE TOLD!

Thank you for reading and stay tuned.