My Son..My Son..My Son

Hello.

How are you feeling today?

I have been a mother for over a decade and never claim to know it all about parenting because every child is different.

I became a mother at 16 years old and it was a girl and I learned all about her. . .

. . .11 months later; my son(D’Angelo) was born. It was a pretty quick pregnancy but it wasn’t without its issues.. When he was born; I already knew he was “SPECIAL”. He was sick for a few weeks of his life. He was born with an underdeveloped esophagus. He had to get a feeding tube and stayed in the children's hospital for weeks at a time.

We even lost him sometimes and I was scared to death of losing my child.

 

That was my biggest fear with having children that something would happen to them and I wouldn't be able to do anything.

This story is about D’Angelo. He was born on Christmas Day 2013 at 5:03pm. He is 10 years old. 155 pounds. 5th Grader, He loves Avengers, The Joker, Mr. Beast. He loves playing video games. He loves spaghetti, spicy chips, apples and oranges. He would eat any plate put before him.

He carries himself well for a boy his age. He knows to shower, brush his teeth and hair, lotion his skin, put on deodorant and body powder on him. He loves to dress.

He knows how to work a computer just like his Mommy. He loves to make things out of nothing AND he loves to build things. 

He can finally express his feelings and explain to anyone what is wrong with him.

He has been mentally ill since he was about 2 or 3 years old and I let the doctors know but they didn’t take it serious. They thought it would be a phase and he would get better. I tried again and again. I was going to homeschool fulltime when he turned four but the doctors said again that they need more witnesses(about his behavior) besides the family to say how ilhe is behaving so I put him in Headstart and things went to that next level and they were finally going to let him get seen by a psychiatrist. He started seeing Dr.Barton for five years and the doctor retired. His doctor always told us that he didn’t need to go to a mental hospital because it would not help and he said that the staff usually aren’t helpful at all. I worked hard to keep him in school but he was physical with everyone at school; even to the point of some people being truly hurt. He was at a behavior academy and that no longer works out because he is too dangeous and aggressive.

On Mother's Day this year; Jay flipped out. I knew it was coming. He looked at me and I looked at him in his eyes and it was nothing there. He attacked at us at home. He ripped off our screen door and went around and trashed our house. He attacked everyone at the hopsital and police officers that tried to help.

(He almost killed a nurse and injured your cop)

 They ended up transferrimg him to a mental facitilty in Atlanta.

I keep telling myself that he wasn’t raised this way. I have people telling me that he just needs a whooping or a  good talking-to. I have heard people say he need God and prayers. People say, “Give him to God.”

‘

Yeah…This is the part that is killing me inside.

I talk to him but he isn’t listening.

He thinks it’s okay to fight and hurt people.

Last night; he put a boy in the hospital and Jay will be at this facility  for another week or even longer. 😭😭

I have so many things going on right now BUT this just takes the cake. I raised a happy, respectful, obedient son and now I believe that he is gone. Wondering when he will be able to calm down and try to receive the help he needs. God is Good and I have left it with Him. I can’t do it myself. I am sick to my stomach because that’s my baby boy. 

I stay up all night; wondering if my phone is going to ring and if it is going to be the hospital to tell me that he has hurt someone else horribly or if he is hurt.

My heart is so heavy tonight. I do believe that everything will be alright but I just want to know when. How long can I live with a broken heart?

Thanks for Reading. Stay tuned!!!

==MORE TO COME==