Brokenhearted

Today is June 18th.(The day my life was forever changed. It has been two years but it feels like it's happening all over again today. I feel very nauseous and I've already been sick this morning. 

-Stomach is twisted up

-Head is twisted up(Memory is really affecting me)(It's like my mind is only focusing on that day 2 years ago and I can't retain present times as of now)(I'm feeling exactly how I felt this day and it is unbearable)

-My ears keep closing up and I hear ringing. (I don't understand what that means but with them closed; I can hear my heart pounding and my uneven breathing)(Very anxious)

-My skin feels like it's crawling with fire ants and I keep rubbing myself for relief but it's not working.

-I'm very hot. I have my fan on HIGH and the AC is low and I'm still really hot.

-I'm screaming on the inside. The girls said that they don't want me to cry so I'm trying to keep it together. 

My sister is leaving this morning and I'm proud of her but because of the way I am set up today; I embraced her last night. Gave her hugs, advice, money and helped her pack. I hate that she is going to leave. She's not coming back for at least 6 months. 😭😭 I hate letting go but God got her!!

Baby really isn’t coming back)...

😖😭😵

Even after 24 months; I still find myself fixing 5 plates for my children. Then, I give the kids their food and an extra plate is left on the counter and I die inside everytime. The girls assume that I made the plate for them for later so I let them think that. 

I really do try to live life in the present but for some reason; my heart and mind are on two different roads.

I'm not okay. (That's all I can say)