JAY

Hey.

((I wasn’t going to write tonight but I challenged myself at the beginning of this month that I was going to write every single day, no matter what.))

Soooooo

Here goes. . .

I wanted Jay to be able to stay home and I thought that we were going to be able to start anew but as his mother; I felt like there was no turning back and he was going to act up EVENTUALLY!!

Today; I woke up in unbearable pain and my legs felt heavy so I already knew that it meant that my body was going to be under extreme stress today. Tomorrow would have been an entire week; he has been back home. I have done everything “right.” I gave him all of his needs and wants. I gave him extra snacks and one-on-one time so he could have time alone with me. He acted like he wanted to be around me more without his sisters so I was trying to do that. (The girls understood that).

He ripped up his new bag that I gave him when he came home las week. It had snacks, stickers, colored pencils and crayons with notebooks/ coloring books. He had enough in that bag to keep him for awhile but now that I am home; I have looked through his books and he was making plans to end me. He already said that he was going to kill me weeks ago but he is my son and he is mentally ill so I tried to ignore that comment and move forward. He said it again yesterday and he was looking at me a certain way with an evil smile. I kept him closer so no one else would be in immediate danger.

Earlier today; he was already having outbursts I tried to calm him down but I said no to something he wanted and he screamed. That high-pitched demonic SCREAM. I said, “Jay, stop!” He got louder and did it longer. I hurried and got the girls in my room and called 911. He started going around the house throwing things. He threw the living room TV, knocked stuff off our shelves, he went around and broke my plastic cake pans which cracked and the pieces of it turned into a sharp weapon to him. He was holding it. I went and opened the front door so when the police came; they could just come in. He slammed the door shut and locked the door back and stood by the door with his arms crossed. ((Whatever fear I did feel had to go away to get the door back open and I went back to my room until the police came.)) Three officers came and he had injured two of them weeks before but the third one was new to the D’Angelo’s world. Jay had stopped trashing the house and was hiding under the dining room table.

The third officer started telling him to come out and Jay kept responding with NO.

He suggested that I take him back to the hospital because it was nothing for them to do.

UNTIL…

He came under from the table and grabbed the broom and was about to hit the other officer who was turned away from him in the back of the head. Still kept saying that it was nothing for them to do and I should call his doctor and demand them to see him(Like I haven’t already done that with no success)). I have been doing that since he got committed the last time. There is so much RED TAPE around getting mental help for children especially ones who are 10 years old but will fight you like King Kong. They were about to leave and he started throwing canned goods at the officers and the third officer at this point knew that he was going to be a problem. He said throw another one and Jay did. They started trying to get him from under the table and started fighting and I went over to help. He grabbed and dug his fingernails into my wrist so I let go. My sister came over and got him from under the table and the officers went over to try to catch him but he grabbed another can and as I was bending over to try to clean up his mess; I stood back up just in time and he threw a can forcefully at my hip. ((I am just glad that it wasn’t my head which was his goal.)) The officers finally said he was too dangerous to stay so they handcuffed him and took him to the police cars. I grabbed the keys and followed them to the hospital.

When we got to the hospital; they told me that since his last committal and the way he injured staff and the city officers was that they couldn’t restrain him or do anything to put the staff at risk. The officers were out of their justification but they stayed anyway. Everyone knows that he is homicidal and the fact that the mental facility where he was released him and KNEW he was still a danger to others IS AT FAULT!

Today was different though.

I think I met EVERY department’s HEAD in my city. Everyone came out. Everyone FINALLY listened and saw records that he has been an issue and medication, counseling, and all of that for years hasn’t helped him.

DJJ came and decided that they couldn’t take him right now because he needed more mental work than they could provide. If he was to go there; he would be considered a troublemaker and ultimately not get better but get released one day and still come out worse than he went in. I have only had psychiatrists backing me up that he is and has been mentally unstable for years but today; the whole city found out about him and they are backing me up.

Before he got discharged last week; I was calling all over Georgia to find a long term care facility for him that would accept him but everyone said NO because of how aggressive he is and I understood that. 

I have been screaming for help for my son since I knew something was wrong from the age of 2(really at his birth; I knew).

I am having MAJOR mixed emotions because I know that if he didn’t have mental illness he could be a normal member of society and he would be able to grow up with his family.

Now that he is committed again and with judges, city officials, etc. he will be accepted into a short-term mental facility again but this time; he will not be able to come back home. They are seeking long-term care for him because NO ONE can handle him anymore. Losing another child!

I have done everything in my power to make sure that he was okay and protected. People who have seen him in action call him SUPERHUMAN because he has beat up men over 400 pounds and is way taller than him. He has beat up more officers and nurses that I can count. He doesn’t listen or respect anyone UNLESS he wants to.

Watching him like he was today and before; all I can say is that if you watch “Split” with James McAvoy then you would know what I mean.

 He is the beast and he doesn’t feel pain. 

It has been a crazy day and I am ready for it to end. 

My blood pressure will not go down and I am very light-headed and developing a fever. Stress is truly a killer.

If Jay didn’t kill me; I guess a heart attack will,huh?.((🤣))

 I am sorry but I have to laugh to keep from crying because my life is a movie.

I will update when I can!

Thanks for reading about our endless journey!