When Healing Hits a Roadblock

 Today's been a tough day, y'all. My hip's dislocated, and honestly, that's the least of my worries. I've been trying to heal and find peace, but it feels like everything's about to come crashing down.

I thought I'd achieved a sense of calm, but then the girl he cheated on me with is claiming she's pregnant, and she only mentioned it after she found out he was back in my life. I'm talking about a whole week of her sending me messages and pictures, trying to get a rise out of me. And my husband's response? "Calm down and block her." Like, easy for him to say.

He told her to stop her nonsense, but she won't listen. She's still slandering me on social media, and he's just telling me to relax and don't feed into it. But how can I when this is my life? When I'm still trying to process the fact that he cheated on me and now there might be a baby involved?

I'm struggling to understand why I still love him, why I want him to change and heal like I have. But at the same time, I know I deserve better. He's confused about what he wants from me and it is heartbreaking.

Less than 30 days ago, he was with someone else, talking trash about me like I meant nothing. Now he wants everything to go back to normal? I can't do that. He was engaged to this girl while still married to me, and this is the second time he's gotten into another relationship during a break.

He's always expected me to forgive him and move on, but this time, I can't and I won't. I want to know about everything. I want him to tell me what he said to people and even his girlfriend, but he won't go into details. I'm tired of being the one who always forgives and forgets. I want answers, I want truth, and I want respect. But most of all, I want to know why I can't let him go.

What is wrong with me?!