Letter To My Younger Self

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Dear 8-year old Ayanna,

I love you so much, and never forget that! Life can be hard, but things will work out for us.

Mama isn't strict for no reason; she doesn't know better because she wasn't shown better, but she grows and improves over time. She won't stay sad forever. She loves you with every fiber of her being, even if it's hard for her to show sometimes. Mama is in a healthy relationship and healing everyday with the love of her life and hopefully soon, she will be a wife. We always wanted her to find happiness in a relationship and she has.

The situation with your father won't get any better. He won't change his ways, and it's okay to feel like he doesn't want to be your father but that's alright, because you don't need him. You deserve to be treated with the very best. 

You're about to lose your very best friend but you're going to be okay. Cry, scream, do whatever to work through it. You're not crazy. Everything is going to be okay. It's not your fault. 

😭NO, IT'S NOT FAIR BUT IT'S LIFE, BABY GIRL! 😭

You'll grow up to have five beautiful children with a man you love deeply - Desni, someone you've loved since you were 3 or 4 years old, and now he's your husband! Marriage isn't a fairy tale, but you'll be okay.

Before Desni becomes your husband though; you'll be in an abusive relationship at 14 and you are going to go through unspeakable things with a guy and I wish we didn't have to but if we don't; then we'll never become the woman we are today.

You will become a teen mother at 16 but Mama is never going to leave your side. You will have two children by the first guy and the rest are your husband's. He will love those children like his own. You'll never know the difference. 

You and Desni will get into a relationship when you are 18 but it'll take years before you all get married. 

You're strong and cautious, which might seem overbearing to some, but the right people will love and understand you. You're beautifully and wonderfully made; don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

Your uniqueness is your strength. You have brains and ideas that others might not understand, and that's okay. You're not built for many friends, and that's alright. Enjoying alone time doesn't make you weird.

Always protect our family, however you see fit. You'll face hurt, setbacks and temptations to give up, but don't worry, you're resilient.

At 28, I'm writing to remind you that our family needs you. You'll lose a child, a 5-year-old daughter, and it will shake you deeply, but you'll find strength to keep going. It's going to feel like it's the end of your life but it's not.

You're going to lose your mind for alittle while but we come back stronger than ever. 

You'll face health challenges and come close to death many times, but your love for our family will keep you going.

Remember, family has always been and will always be number one for you.

Stay strong, Little Ayanna! We have so much life to live.

Right now, we are in college pursuing our bachelors degree in creative writing and we have published three books, multiple short stories and working on a novel.

We are working on buying our first home and other exciting things to come. 

✨️Remember, everything will be okay, just ride the wave and hold on tight! ✨️

With love,

Your Future Self